classes start on thursday. maybe then i can finally get my schedule finalized, get into those last few classes i still need. everyone should be back by then too. then i won't feel quite so isolated... maybe.

it seems to be getting a little easier. i think. at the very least i'm able to keep myself distracted for a decent amount of time, and am able to keep the worst depressions away. but i can't concentrate on any one thing for long; i, a marathon gamer, can't stay on the same game for more than an hour at best right now. it took me a day and a half to unpack, and i have less stuff than usual here. and it's kinda a half-assed job anyhow. i gave everything rachel gave to me back, along with some stuff that reminds me most directly of her, but it seems like i can't look at anything without it reminding me of her in some way. i must still be in shock or something. it's finally really over.... although, judging by her journal, you'd think she didn't even know. and she's the one who did it.

and i'm constantly fighting the urge to try to contact her. i have things i want to say, but i know that nothing's gonna help, and i don't think she'd like to answer any of the question i have, assuming i'd even remember them again if she let me ask. i miss her a lot, but she, from the little i can tell, seems glad to be rid of me. ouch.

maybe i should eat something besides nutty bars. but i'm not really that hungry. i have been pretty thirsty, though, but that's nothing unusual.

i have to go do something. i don't know what, just something.